


Designated Sleeping Hours Are For Losers

by paranomastic



Category: Borderlands
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 13:44:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4524246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranomastic/pseuds/paranomastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sleeping in the field on Pandora is a lot harder than it was back home. Add a big stupid crush on the hot chick a couple tents over and only having Zer0 to turn to for advice? Absolute garbage 0/10.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Designated Sleeping Hours Are For Losers

Pandora, like many borderline-inhospitable alien worlds, had some serious temperature issues going on. The most notable and unearthly of the many quirks to the weather was that, out in the badlands, the nights were rarely less blazing hot than the days. Same incredibly short length, but the heat never had time to pass before the sun rose again.

This did not sit well with Gaige.

Back on Eden-5, a planet boasting not only a much more hospitable climate but an abundant number of air conditioners, Gaige had never quite experienced the issue she was faced with now. After all, it was easy to turn the AC down to glacial levels in her workshop when she had to fall asleep, but now that she was a Vault Hunter the resources to do that sort of thing were mainly spent on big guns bought with money made selling slightly smaller guns picked off of freshly dead bodies. 

So despite the many promises of fortune and wealth and not-being-executed-for-murder being a Vault Hunter still held, Gaige and the rest of them all still spent the “nights” in tents. Tired old cloth beasts, very simple and just a little too light, all digistructed in the trunk of each car they grabbed from Scooter. Marcus had sold them for a surprisingly reasonable price, considering… well, Marcus.

The issue was, Gaige found, that she was utterly unable to sleep comfortably, even sprawled out naked on top of her sleeping bag (which she had certainly tried). So until exhaustion forced her to collapse, she was awake. Luckily for her, Zer0 usually stayed awake even longer than she did, keeping watch. So naturally, Gaige spent most of her time awake bothering him. They had grown quite close for how one-sided their conversations were. Gaige was pretty sure Zer0 didn’t mind all the unloading she did on him. If he did, he didn’t say anything. Though he didn’t say much of anything at all, so maybe that was the problem? She had no idea. Maybe-alien only-probably-dudes were hard to read, especially when wearing full body armor. Which she was pretty sure but could not actually confirm he wore all the time. Even when he slept, if he actually slept.

One particular night, having done all the slight, mostly-imperceptible modifications she needed to D-T, Gaige decided to actually go to a level of emotional depth in her conversation with Zer0 that she had not really gone to before. She was going to talk to him… about feelings.

This was probably doomed to be a disaster from the start.

Zer0, for his part, sat on the edge of the cliff they had set up camp above, cross-legged and silent. Par for the course, really. He sat like that pretty much every “night” – or at least the hours designated for sleeping, whether he was on bandit watch or not. Gaige wondered if he slept inside the suit anyway.

“So, Zer0,” Gaige started, taking a seat next to him, “How qualified do you feel you are to give relationship advice?”

Zer0 didn’t even look at her, “Not.”

Gaige sighed, “Figures. Anyway, I’ve got a problem, and… you’re so damn good at not telling people things, and the others… really aren’t.” She paused, “Well, except for Krieg, but he’s… not cut out for this sort of thing. So I guess I’ll just talk at you for a while.”

“Go on,” Zer0’s voice was not too far removed from his usual passive tone, but Gaige swore there was more fondness than resignation in it. Though that might have been more wishful thinking than anything,

“Well, see, this isn’t about a relationship I’m in, because I’ve never actually been in one, no matter how you divide the word Mechromancer,” Gaige crossed her arms, as though cold, “Back home, I didn’t see the point because, you know, science and stuff. But here…”

Before she could embarrass herself further, Zer0, as it were, cut to the chase, “So what you’re saying / Is that you have developed / A crush on someone.” He paused, then with clear reluctance added “… here.” Ah, syllable counts.

“Yes! And it’s really weird and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Zer0 remained motionless, but sounded genuinely concerned, “Just tell me it’s not / Towards Scooter or myself / Neither would end well.”

Gaige recoiled from him, “No! Oh God, Scooter? Do you want me to actually throw up on you? I’ll actually throw up on you, I swear. Don’t test me.”

“Just checking,” Zer0 replied, and Gaige was sure he was smirking under the helmet. Her light punch to his arm hopefully took care of that.

“Screw you, dude. No, it’s,” she rubbed her temples with one hand and failed to will the blood rushing to her face to get back to the muscles it came from, “It’s Maya. I have a stupid thing for Maya and I need to talk it through or… something.”

Zer0 did not reply, but Gaige took his lack of resistance as permission. Reading between the glowing red lines was important in dealing with him.

“I just – I don’t know, she’s just so great? Like she’s one of the most badass people I’ve ever seen, for one, and she has freaking magic siren powers which’re basically the coolest thing to _ever_ , and I just,” Gaige almost sighed dreamily, caught herself, cleared her throat, and continued, “Also she’s really extra super hot? That’s definitely a factor. Like, damn. All those BA Siren tats and her hair and her eyes and basically her everything? I know you’re probably not into, like, _people_ , but she’s hotter than a soldering iron… which while fun to say may or may not be the cheesiest thing I have ever said in my life never repeat that to anyone.”

“Of course not,” Zer0 replied, still perfectly still.

“But like, I don’t know, she’s just so nice and so awesome and so cool and all sorts of other adjectives, and I’m… well, like I say: a girl and her robot. Nobody wants to put up with that.”

Zer0 actually turned his head to look at her, “Not that it means much / But I put up with your stuff / Most nights around here.”

Gaige smiled a little, “Aw, thanks. More than anyone on the EchoNet did until I… y’know… was responsible for a murder or whatever.” The smile morphed quickly into a frown, “Not that she didn’t have it coming or anything.”

“Well, consider this: / If you had not murdered her / You'd not be here now.”

“Man, dude, I didn't know you could do 'sentimental,'” Gaige laughed, “But yeah, I guess you’re right. I didn’t think I’d be glad to be wanted for murder and fighting for my life against an angry gun company CEO who wears a face on top of his face, and… well, I’m still not super-psyched, but at least I’m here now. With you guys. With her.”

“And you have not told her why?”

Gaige looked up at the sky, which happened to be full of stars at that particular point in the conversation, “Because there’s basically a zero percent chance she’ll feel the same way? Everyone else thinks I’m married to D-T, she probably does too. Which I totally get because it wouldn’t be super-weird on this planet, but still. If I go up to her and be all like ‘Hey Maya I think it would be cool if I put my face on your face whaddya say,’ or any other variant on that theme, and she laughs me off? I can handle a lot of stuff, you know me, but not that. That shit’s scarier than a badass thresher.” She sighed, “Badass threshers, you will note, happen to be no problem for her because of her magic powers. So I can’t tell her I like her, which is dumb but what’re you gonna do?”

“Get you to say that while she’s standing right behind you?”

Gaige blinked, refusing to follow what he was saying, “Well, that’d be something, sure, but she’s uh… not… right?”

“Well, I’m more off to the side, but pretty much,” Maya said, from behind and indeed slightly to the left. She stood at the entry to her tent, arms crossed and eyebrow arched.

Blood flew to Gaige’s face again, and had she not been seated against a cliff she would have scooted back until ending up with her back to a wall or cliff. “Oh, uh… hi there, Maya? How’s it going?”

“Not bad, not bad. And you?”

“Pretty good! Yeah, pretty good!” Senpai has noticed me at the worst possible time, she thought to herself, all brain function except EchoNet memes shutting down for a reboot.

“So… you’re aware we sleep in tents, right?” Maya smirked, “Entirely normal tents, made of cloth? Which really isn’t soundproof?”

“I’ve… noticed it once or twice.” Running back to her own and hiding for the next forever was sounding like a pretty good idea at this point, honestly.

“So if I’m about to go to bed and you, say, start talking about having a ‘thing’ for me, I can hear everything that follows it and am pretty much obligated to pay attention?”

Gaige looked down at the ground, “Yeah, I guess you would be, huh? I probably just should’ve stayed in and worked on D-T or something, heh.”

Maya walked over to her, certainly to put a hand on her shoulder and explain patiently and kindly that she didn’t feel the same way or whatever. Because she was cool enough that she would absolutely let Gaige down easy.

“So, do you want an answer?”

“What? To what?” Gaige looked up at Maya, finding her crouched much lower to the ground than expected.

“Well, I think the question was something like ‘Hey, Maya, I think it would be cool if I put my face on your face, whaddaya say?’” she shrugged, “Or something like that.”

“Nope, that… was pretty much exactly how I worded it,” Gaige admitted, noting that Zer0 had vanished. Typical.

“So? Do you want to know what I say?”

Gaige sighed, “Sure, go ahea—“ 

Before Gaige could let out that last consonant, Maya’s lips pressed to hers. The siren’s lips were way smoother and nicer than Gaige’s were, naturally, but Gaige found noticing much more than that difficult, given she had just sort of… short-circuited. She had many plans in her head for how to try to deal with the rejection, but none for this. Whatever this was. And whatever it was? Was kind of amazing. Okay, more than kind of. Really amazing.

After a second or so, Maya pulled away, “I’m perfectly fine with it. That’s my answer.”

“Uh… great! I mean there’s really nowhere on Pandora to go out that isn’t owned by someone we know and would never let it go, which sucks, but—“ 

Maya cut her off again, “Not too hard to make a date out of killing bandits, probably. We’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, probably,” Gaige admitted, nervously chuckling once or twice.

“Anyway, we can talk about this more once sleep hours are up. In the meantime, get yourself to bed. You look like you could use some rest.”

Gaige’s face turned an astonishing shade of red, “Right! Bed. Yes. Sounds like a plan. G’night. Lemme just. Get a few more minutes of fresh air.”

Maya winked at her and turned back towards her tent. The middle finger she shot at Axton’s cry of “Yeah, Maya, you rob that cradle!” only made her look more incredible, really.


End file.
